Drop the ball with someone? This is the best way to apologize

Some people have a habit of constantly apologizing, even for the little things that are out of their control. These “chronic apologies” are very unwise, but should they be? There is scientific evidence that it is okay to apologize frequently.

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In one study, researchers tested the effect of unnecessary apologies. A man approached several people at a train station on a rainy day and asked to borrow their mobile phones. Most refused, but when he made an apology for the bad weather before he was ordered, he had more success. That is, almost half of the people contacted in this way agreed to lend the device.

These findings, along with other research on human behavior and psychology, suggest that an apology can be an effective way to show empathy. In other words, there is evidence that saying sorry is often harmful, and researchers say saying sorry is better than not saying sorry at all.

An apology is an acknowledgment of suffering

Saying you’re sorry with “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well” can be helpful in conversations. That is, people like it when their problems are recognized.

In 2013, while doctoral student Allison Wood Brooks, an associate professor at Harvard Business School, led four studies on the topic. So he did a study on a train, and found that this kind of apology can build a sense of trust.

According to Brooks, an over-apology is not about guilt, but about acknowledging another person’s suffering, even if it is small. While these excuses may sound like an “anxious tic” like starting a conversation by saying, “Sorry to bother you,” they do have their benefits. That is, the most common mistake is not apologizing enough, rather than apologizing too much.

How to make a good apology

An apology is one of the most powerful weapons for overcoming conflict in an argument. When done effectively, it can improve relationships, and those who apologize are seen as warm and ethical by their partners.

To be effective, an apology must include a promise of change and penance to repair the harm done. When hospital systems change their policies to allow physicians to apologize for medical errors, the number of lawsuits against the hospital decreases.

According to Morris Schweitzer, a professor at the Wharton School, a well-crafted apology creates a separation between the person of the past and the person of today, and that promise is important. When apologizing, it is important to take responsibility for the mistake and not make excuses.