Maxwell Love Commencement Speech

by Free Speech on June 8, 2009

Lodi, WI~

Lodi Valley News serving Lodi, WI & the Lake Wisconsin area with local information since Earth Day 2008.

Lodi, WI
by Maxwell Love

Ladies, and gentlemen, children of all ages, I welcome you to the biggest, the best, the most dangerous, the amazing spectacular series of graduation speeches unlike any you have ever heard. Instead of having each of our 90, I mean 9, valedictorians and salutatorians create individual speeches we have revolutionized the process and created one master speech, hopefully eliminating that length of the graduation ceremony that prompts young children to wet themselves and/or pass out.

I have been forced to introduce our outline today, so in exchange for getting embarrassed first, I am limiting the other speakers to ten single spaced lines on a note card to get this show on the road.

So Class of 2009, today you will hear us talk about who has been an integral part of our everyday lives. By this I mean our parents who have been there for us, our brothers and sisters, who have been there for us, our teachers, who have been there for us, our friends, who have been there for us, and that state patrol officer who sits on the Interstate, who (you guessed it) has been there for us.

We’ll be sending the junior class on their way to a good year. Junior class, Class of 2010, you are now the best class at Lodi High School. Why you ask? Not because you will be the oldest, no no no, but because the best class is graduating and as prominent hip hop artist DJ Kahled said… “we da best”.

We’ll be remembering precious memories. Like the first time we set foot into the school system; unbeknownst to us it would cost us 13 years of our lives and many sleepless nights. Now we’re thinking “do I really have to graduate… or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?”

We’ll be sending you off with words of wisdom… for instance: To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the ‘C’ students, I say you too may one day be President of the United States. Those are not my words my friends, those are the words of former President George W. Bush, and I think W. is trying to say that if you didn’t get ‘C’s you can still aspire to be VICE President.

Now I don’t mean to be cynical because there is definitely something to be said about everyone having the ability to reach for the stars and feel them within their grasp; just go to your local Walmart and for 4.99 you can pick up a nice set of those plastic glow in the dark stars that go on your ceiling. I have a pair and it always feels great to just stand up and touch them; success is just a darkness away.

And for those of you going to college, we’re going to assure you that you’ll enjoy it. Man, I love college… aren’t those lyrics in every popular song?

So, Class of 2009, as soon as my comrades extend their speeches beyond ten lines on their note cards, know that they are breaking the rules. Then again, rules are meant to be broken and that’s quite possibly the most important thing anyone could ever tell you.

Lodi High School Class of 2009, you are the best class graduating from the best high school in Lodi, Wisconsin. So sit back, grab a beverage, non-alcoholic of course, and enjoy the show.

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